that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
