i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
