My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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