I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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