And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
