You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
