His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
