My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
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he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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