We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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