did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
