she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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