We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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