Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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