I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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