Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
