When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
