with your own penis?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
