Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
