i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
