there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
