White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
