What a fucking waste of an outfit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
