you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
