whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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