If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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