I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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