why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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