Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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