I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
