Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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