She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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