Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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