its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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