so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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