I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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