While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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