I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
