she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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