just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
