I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
