The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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