Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
