I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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