omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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