Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
