Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
