These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
