rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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