Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
