I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im holly from the hills drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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