her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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