I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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