the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
