last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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