If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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