This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm having to shit out rocks
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