hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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