I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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