btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
