girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
