My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
