i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
