She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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