If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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