So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
