No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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