I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Please don't give away my fajitas
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
