had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
