a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
