gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
