This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
