My friends, they love my intelligence
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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