I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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