he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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