You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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