Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
