It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
