my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I AM VODKA MAN
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
