yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
