can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
