That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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