Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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