All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
