did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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